Oh the mind of someone with borderline personality disorder, it never really stops does it? A wiser person than me once described my way of thinking as ‘having a lot of internet tabs open at once’ and you know what, it’s about right. I start things all the time and never quite finish them because there is quite simply, a thousand ideas crammed inside my head. I flick from one thing to the next and nothing has any order or place in reality because although I can spend hours planning wonderful things, they never seem to really go anywhere. I have all the ability to analyse because I spend enough time doing it to other people but I when my mood is low I lack motivation, drive and want to finish anything.
Does Any Of This Sound Familiar? Continue reading →
Stigma surrounding mental health issues is rife. It’s in the media, in the work place, amongst our peers and (most worrying to me) within the mental health system itself. With 1 in 4 people experiencing mental health problems every year it’s scary to think that it’s still a taboo subject to talk about. Silencing yourself when it comes to something you or someone you know is facing becomes isolating and dangerous. It breeds ignorance and prolongs suffering.
But why would you speak up when the Stigma stings so much?
The title is a silly one really but like everything I do (and have over thought a thousand times) it certainly has relevance in the moment it is meant. Let me try to explain and offer a brief introduction..
Hello. My name is Liza and I have a mental illness.
Actually, if you want to be picky about it I have several but I am learning not to sweat the details because if I did I would worry. Truth is, I spend a lot of time worrying because my mental illness affects EVERYTHING if I let it.
I wanted to write this blog because firstly I love writing but also because the stuff I found myself putting out into web space wasn’t really doing anything. I wanted to help, reach out and make sure that every last dot of a person knew that mental illness wasn’t something to be ashamed of or to hide from. I wanted to document my recovery, my thoughts, my feelings. I wanted to ride the waves of severity alongside the ripples of contentment and I wanted to share it. I wanted to shout loud. I wanted to be heard!
Which brings me back to the title..
Here is the secret! I have been waiting..
Waiting to feel ‘better’ so I didn’t appear in a flurry of angst or nonsensical muttering. Waiting so that on the surface, to anyone that happens to stumble upon this, I appear normal. It’s bizarre.. I want to write about my mental illness so was I so afraid?
The answer is simple and please bear in mind that this is only my answer. I am no guru or bringer of joy to all who wonder. I am just human and that is the point, the clarity I so questionably questioned.
I am a human with a mental illness who stigamatises herself all the time in order not to be provoked or pushed or upset or made to contemplate… you get the jist?
I aim to and will talk about all of the things I am touching on more at some point I am sure for I do want to do all of those things I mentioned earlier and this is the start of that. Everything has to have a beginning and sometimes you just have to step forward and no longer be afraid.
What I am trying to say is be kinder to yourself. Allow yourself to gain some definition of whatever it is you are suffering from. 2017 for me marks the year that I define my mental illness because believe me, it’s been defining me with its grip for far too long. There is enough Stigma in this world (again more on that another time) without loading it on your own back. Emotional hurt is not good.
So here is my puddle and I’m jumping in feet first. Yes, I am ‘more well’ right now than I have been in an age but that puddle is bloody deep and there is a long way to go yet. It’s okay though, I’ve got my wellies.